Not only can’t I decide whether or not to stay married, but I can never stick with one blog. I always feel like these blogs run their course easily. I piled so much shit into Can’t Hardly Wait, it was just a giant gaggle fuck of posts that really, when you put them all together, went in about 40 different directions. This one will probably go the same way, but hopefully I can stick with it. I’m not a huge fan of blogger, either.
Emotionally, I am a train wreck. I left my husband 5 months ago. We lived in a small bedroom with our son in his parents house, and we treated each other like dog crap. Why wouldn’t I leave? I’m 20, which is HALFWAY TO 40 and I felt like if I didn’t leave then, I would never get out. I was trapped in a life meant for people who love verbal abuse and slavery.
So here I am, in a 2 bedroom apartment with my son, with a great job, and a slow but consistent recovery, and now I have the husband who loved me only 40 percent of the time knocking on my door. He swears he’s changed. He did change. But something else changed, too. My feelings for him. And people are always asking questions, and assuming, and getting all up in my business. Sometimes I want to scream “SHUT THE HELL UP” to everyone who even just looks at me, but I digress.
My birthday is coming up. September 9th. Mark it on your calendars, because I will finally be 21. I can finally buy my own liquor without having to explain to my dad why I needto chug an entire bottle of Skyy. You’ll find me in Biloxi on my birthday, at the Silver Slipper Casino near the slot machines with a bloody mary in hand. Funny enough, I Can’t Hardly Wait.