I have problems with commitment.

Not only can’t I decide whether or not to stay married, but I can never stick with one blog.  I always feel like these blogs run their course easily.  I piled so much shit into Can’t Hardly Wait, it was just a giant gaggle fuck of posts that really, when you put them all together, went in about 40 different directions.  This one will probably go the same way, but hopefully I can stick with it.  I’m not a huge fan of blogger, either.

Emotionally, I am a train wreck.  I left my husband 5 months ago.  We lived in a small bedroom with our son in his parents house, and we treated each other like dog crap.  Why wouldn’t I leave?  I’m 20, which is HALFWAY TO 40 and I felt like if I didn’t leave then, I would never get out.  I was trapped in a life meant for people who love verbal abuse and slavery.

So here I am, in a 2 bedroom apartment with my son, with a great job, and a slow but consistent recovery, and now I have the husband who loved me only 40 percent of the time knocking on my door.  He swears he’s changed.  He did change.  But something else changed, too.  My feelings for him.  And people are always asking questions, and assuming, and getting all up in my business.  Sometimes I want to scream “SHUT THE HELL UP” to everyone who even just looks at me, but I digress.

My birthday is coming up.  September 9th.  Mark it on your calendars, because I will finally be 21.  I can finally buy my own liquor without having to explain to my dad why I needto chug an entire bottle of Skyy.  You’ll find me in Biloxi on my birthday, at the Silver Slipper Casino near the slot machines with a bloody mary in hand.  Funny enough, I Can’t Hardly Wait.

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5 responses to “I have problems with commitment.

  1. Wish I could be there to have a drink with you on your 21st. Sounds like you might need a friend that night.

  2. Wow, it sounds as if you have been going through a lot. Life can be tough at times. So glad you are learning and doing better for yourself. Have fun on your 21st birthday!!! 🙂

    I found you at MBC! Feel free to check me out at http://raisingmy4sons.com

  3. Have a drink for me on your 21st.

  4. If you were standing a foot away I’d give you a *high five* for being a strong woman to leave the man who made you miserable and also for turning 21. I want you to know that you are brave and what you did takes a lot of guts. Anyone that thinks differently can eat dirt. Really.

    7 months ago I broke off my 10 month engagement to a man I was suppose to marry in May. I’d been with him for 3 years. We bickered and fought all the time. Hmm…isn’t being engaged suppose to be bliss? Or so I thought. Once I did that, I moved back home with my parents for 7 ½ months and I have just now started a new job, moved back to the city and started over. Life can be a beast. But then somehow it always seems to work itself out. It may take 3 years, but it does.

    Rock Out on your Birthday and have a shot for me.

  5. Def. going to update my reader. And I totally understand the whole ex hubby thing. Like wow hes changed but I’m not interested. That’s how I was with my ex fiance, we are back together now and I couldn’t be happier..it may just take time or you may just move on. It’s crazy how life works.

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